My Escape
by JoyfullyMiserable
Summary: When Ichigo Kurosaki,breaks up with his long time girlfriend, Rukia Kuchiki, her perfect life shatters. In order to ease the pain, she begins to fall into bad habits. Drugs, Alcohol, Sex. And her life plummets into the darkest hell she could ever imagine.
1. Keeping A Straight Face

**Please read! D:**

**This is my first fanfiction…I know most people write in 3****rd**** person when it comes to fanfiction, but I just can't do that. It's so so sooo much easier for me to write in 1****st**** person. Anyways, I know this first chapter is a bit..well small and not that great. But I promise it will get better in time. This chapter is kinda just like a test. I was also trying out a certain writing style (that I don't think portrays too well online o-o) I'm writing Chapter 2 right now, and my writing is much more descriptive, and…to put it frankly, better lol. So, just saying, if you recognize that this chapter isn't very well written, it is merely just the test subject. The following chapters will be better. :o**

**With all that being said, (and I hope you guys actually read that since its…kinda important xD er to me it is atleast o-o)**

**Enjoy?**

**

* * *

**

The beeping startles me. I'm so lost in sleep that I first think its part of my dream. Although as I painfully rip open my eyelids (maybe a bit too gruesome?), whatever 'dream' I was having immediately slips away from my mind.

The first thing my eyes fall upon is a horizontal wall. Blurred white, bombards my vision and I shut my eyes back closed.

School.

That word, is like a monster, dragging me down into the depths of hell.

The anticipation of what will happen makes me feel worse than usual.

The blankets seem inviting, safe. So I try my best to forget about school, and snuggle deeper into the big fluff of warmth that is covering me.

… And then my eyes shoot back open.

Stumbling over to the sad excuse for a mirror that sits smack dab in the middle of my tiny, white room, I brace myself for the thing I'm afraid will be staring back.

Oh lovely, lovely. I've got bags under my eyes, a little bit of dried up drool on my chin, and then there's my hair.

Oh geez, my hair. You'd think that sense I keep it short, it'd be easy to manage.

What a lie.

Scoffing, I blankly run through my morning cycle, erasing the fact that I am probably going to be late, from my mind.

Shower. Get dressed. Put books in bag. Breakfeast?

I look at the clock.

Guess I can do without food this morning.

I grab my brush on the way out, and I am officially on my way.

The minute I open the door, I am smacked in the face, by the bitter cold.

What a wonderful greeting you've done this morning, weather.

One, two, three. One two, three. One, two, three.

Counting my steps is a nice distraction. I continue like that all the way to school.

Upon entering the school yard, I remember the brush in my hand.

Shit. I must look like a lion.

Hastily bringing the brush up to my hair, I do a few strokes before looking at my reflection in the glass door.

It'll have to do.

I smooth my hair out before pushing the large door open (with some trouble I might add).

This time, it's warmth that greets me, and I have to say, I'm quite pleased to see it.

Or…feel it I should say.

No time to think about my 5 senses, I've barely been in the school for a minute before I spot a figure running down the hall.

Running towards me.

"Rukia!" Momo shouts.

Now that caught me by surprise.

She's a good friend and all, but first name basis? Something must be up. And I have a feeling I already know what it is.

"What's up Hinamo—whoa!"

And I am embraced into a giant hug.

So…I wasn't expecting that. At all.

"Rukia, are you ok? I heard what happened…" she trailed off, still firmly holding onto me.

Ah, yes…I should've known. Still, why act like it's a big deal? I mean, it's really not. Really.

So I play the dumb card.

"What happened…?" I repeat her question in the most innocent voice I can muster.

Finally she releases me. Take in the fresh air! My lungs need it after that.

She gives me a concerned look.

"What?" I say again. Just play dumb, Rukia, just play dumb.

"With…with Kurosaki …" she mumbles, all of a sudden seeming uncomfortable.

Crap. She just had to say it. I was hoping for her to kind of... change the subject. Well, that's fine. I can deal with this.

"Ichigo? Oh please, it's not even a big deal" Ok, so that was a lie.

"Rukia…you don't have to act tough.." she tells me, staring at her feet.

"I'm not acting tough Hinamori. Really, what happened between Ichigo and I was no big deal. It happens to a lot of couples. I am perfectly okay with everyth—"

"Oh, Kurosaki-kun! You're so funny!"

Yeah, there goes my 'blow it all off' plan.

Hinamori looks up, startled. She whips her head around and then she is looking at the same sight as me.

This really can't be good for me. Seeing this. Seeing Ichigo. Seeing Inoue. Seeing them together, at her locker.

Seeing him lean into her.

Seeing her head swing back, bright orange locks flailing in all different directions.

Her giggling reaches its peak. He probably told some stupid joke.

Seeing his grin, his satisfaction.

That grin used to be for me.

And without warning, I feel something warm. Salty. My eyes become blurry.

I blink back my tears. Compose myself, in a matter of seconds, before Momo turns around.

Smiled plastered back on my face, I am looking in a completely different direction by the time her eyes have settled on me.

I am looking at…

I am looking at a bright yellow poster.

Brighter than any yellow I've ever seen before. The words are still all a blur, but that's only because of the distance this time.

"What does that say?" I choke out, astonished by my sudden raspy voice.

Clearing my throat, I walk over to the poster.

I hear Momo's uneasy footsteps behind me.

SCIENCE FAIR – TEAM UP WITH SOMEONE

"Oh, we should be partners for this!" I exclaim suddenly.

She must be looking at me like I'm crazy. Me? Science? Those are two things that absolutely do not fit together in any scenario.

But I needed a distraction, and I found one, in the form of a big, yellow, Science poster.

Before she has the chance to answer, I spin around and face her.

"Come on, we're going to be late to class!" This is not me. Confident, excited, bubbly.

Who is this intruder?

Whoever she is, she is a major help. I think I'll keep her around a while longer.

I keep my eyes focused ahead of me. I don't notice the blur of orange on my right. I don't notice the drop in their conversation right when I walk by.

I am smiling, still smiling. I don't care about what happened. Uncaring. I am uncaring.

It may be a lie, but I'll wear it for now.

I breeze into History, and take my seat. Not even enough time to pull out my binder and Soi Fon-sensei already starts talking.

No, I should say yelling.

At?

Do I really want to know?

Curiosity gets the better of me, and I lift up my head.

Keigo Asano. The true definition of a Class Clown.

The curiosity I had just moments ago, slips away and I look back down at my now pulled out sheet of paper.

Whatever he does, whether it's singing some inappropriate song, to making a perverted comment about some girl, Soi Fon-sensei always gets him. Always.

A strong woman, if I've ever seen one. Some might say a bitch. I'd say, a no bullshit type of person.

There needs to be more of those in this world.

With all that being said, I still can't stand the class. So as the light goes dim and a nice "history documentary" starts up (thank god there's no note taking involved) I gradually let my head sink down into my arms. Everything becomes dark. I slip into nothingness.

* * *

**Ahhh my first fanfiction. XD I got inspired to do this by the books 'Crank', 'Glass', and 'Fallout' by Ellen Hopkins. They're really really amazing so I suggest you go read them. :D Not much to say..hopefully I'll get some reviews D: **


	2. I Wish For A Black Hole

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, and if I did, Ichigo and Rukia would be smexing it up right about now. 8| *sigh***

* * *

I am so lost in my dreams, I barely notice when I hear my name.

"Kuchiki" a stern voice whispers.

That is my name isn't it? Kuchiki…

"Kuchiki!" the voice sais, once again.

Yes, that is my name. But who is interrupting me? Who is reaching out to me in the middle of this darkness?

"_Kuchiki!" _

Not now…please. Let me finish what you've disrupted, unknown voice. A few more minutes…

"**Kuchiki Rukia!"**

And up I go.

My hazy eyes are met with dark grey ones.

Angry eyes.

I blink a couple times, still coming out of my slumber, when I realized what has happened.

I have been caught. By Soi Fon-sensei. Crap.

At once, sentences start forming in my brain. Excuses, lies, anything my mouth can spit out that will satisfy her.

Anything that will make those intense grey eyes, soften with understanding.

"I…uh…" I stutter.

What could I possibly say? That I'm tired? That I couldn't sleep a wink last night? How I was tossing and turning into the wee hours of the night?

Tens of maybe, hundreds of sentences are forming in my brain, but my mouth suddenly feels dry. I feel like I have lost the ability to speak words.

Come on, Rukia. Say it. Say you're sorry. Say…

"What the hell do you want?" a voice spits angrily.

A familiar, alto ranged voice.

My…my voice.

And then I realize all too late, what I have done.

Students talk back to teachers…its inevitable. It's part of high school. There will always be that one kid in your class, who is a complete son of a bitch to the teacher. That one kid who is not afraid to speak their mind, talking back, or even going as far as to cuss at the teacher.

But me…I have never been that kid. I would be lying if I said I was a good, straight A student, because I most certainly am not. But I'm decent. I pull B's and C's for the most part. The occasional A on a simple quiz, or maybe the occasional D on a not so simple quiz.

However, talking back to the teacher? Cussing at them? (Whether you believe 'hell' is a cuss word, is up to you) . That, for one, is _not _me.

Not that I don't disagree with teachers from time to time. Of course I do, teenagers and adults, usually have all too different views on the world around them.

I just figure, keep my mouth shut, and the spot light won't be focused on me. I find that it would be much too easy to drift under the radar that is high school, not calling any attention to myself. It seems so much easier, so much simpler.

And isn't that what I wanted my life to be? Simple?

I am once again, yanked out of my thoughts, and into the real world, as I feel a body looming over me.

Soi Fon-sensei may not be very tall, but compared to my 4'11" self, who isn't tall?

"Out in the hall, **now.**" She tells me, strictly.

Feeling my face get hot, I am mortified, as I slowly rise up from my desk.

I maneuver my way through the isle of desks, and the students inhabiting them, all the while keeping my eyes on the ground. If a black hole could open up in swallow me whole right here, I would be thankful beyond words.

I can almost feel all the eyes, burning into my back. Mocking thoughts floating around in their minds.

_How embarrassing._

Finally, as the hallway came into my view, and the door behind me shut closed, I let out the breath I hadn't even realized I had been holding.

What was I suppose to do now? Was I supposed to wait here, until the end of class?

How long was it, until the end of class anyways? I felt like I had been asleep for hours, but maybe that was just my mind playing tricks on me.

I stumbled back up against the wall, and slowly slid down until my behind was touching the floor.

I didn't care that my skirt was lifted up, ever so slightly, from my sitting position. No one was here, and if someone did happen to walk by, well, frankly, I can't even see myself caring that they might get a good look at my spandex covered hips.

Right now, the only thing my mind was focused on, was what the hell had happened to me in there?

Was it the same girl as before, the one who had earlier been so bubbly and happy that even Momo had been surprised? Was she the one who had suddenly opened my mouth to spit the evil words, that had won me this humiliation?

Shaking the thought from my mind, I jumped a little when I heard a rough voice speak out.

"What are you doing?" the voice called.

I really didn't want to talk to anyone right now. I was not in the mood to put up my happy-go-lucky façade, as I had done earlier. To be honest, it had already worn me out.

My body acted on its own though, my head rising, a fake smile already forming on my face.

I looked up at the passer-by, a tall, muscley, guy (man?) with bright wild, blue hair, and bright blue eyes to match.

Momentarily dazed by this strange mans eyes (and oh, how they were pretty), I finally got around to answering, as I noticed he was now staring at me oddly.

"Well…what does it look like I'm doing?" I said, coldly.

Ok, so despite the happy look on my face, for some reason my reply had came out, a bit…bitchy.

I needed to figure out what the hell was up. I'm getting all mixed up, acting happy one minute, then acting angry the next. I wasn't even sure who, or what, I was at this moment. Happy? Angry? Or maybe just, me.

Before I had a chance to decide, he was talking again.

"Obviously, you're in some type of time out."

I scoffed. "Time out? How old do you think I am, 4?" The words flowed effortlessly out of my mouth. I was surprised, in all honesty. I didn't even know this guy, and I had already spoken more than five words to him.

I'm not usually like that at all.

When it comes to strangers, I'm more of the reserved type, only speaking when asked a question, and even then my replies are short and simple.

Just like everything else about my life.

The guy grinned at me, and suddenly I felt strange.

I felt like I had suddenly caught on fire, that every fiber in my body was burning.

"What's your name?" he asked, staring straight into my violet orbs.

All of a sudden, everything went blurry. Everything around me, the lockers, the walls, the doors.

My eyes were only focused on him, and the feeling he had just randomly shot into my body.

The feeling of, alertness. Like I was ready to handle anything, like if the ceiling fell through right now, I could shoot up and sprint out of the way in a matter of seconds.

I felt on the edge, like anything could happen next.

And just like that, my lips were moving, sound was coming out of my mouth, and my heart was racing.

"Kuchiki" I told him, and my breath caught in my throat, as I somehow found the words that needed to follow.

"And yours?"

His grin became wider, as he stared at me a moment longer, before continuing on his merry way.

"Grimmjow" he said over his shoulder. As he rounded the corner, he turned and took one last look at me, before disappearing out of sight.

Grimmjow…

**-x-**

The rest of the day had gone by in a satisfying blur. Seconds folding into minutes, Minutes folding into hours. In my distracted state of mind, I had been pleasantly surprised to hear the familiar ringing of the bell, signaling the end of the school day.

I waited patiently in my desk, purposely putting all my materials away as slow as I could. I wanted to be the last one out of the classroom, that way no one would see me and I could get home without any unwanted ambushes regarding my relationship with Ichigo. (Or rather, lack there of.)

I swear, it's like everyone has to stick their nose where it doesn't belong. For some reason, drama is just so intriuging to the species of this world. I don't understand why though. I mean, sure, we are all human, and humans get curious. But it's like, these people have no problem asking flat out, personal questions. They don't seem to worry about the person who is getting interrogated. They don't seem to worry about that person's feelings, hell bent on getting some information that will keep their minds racing.

Peaking out from under my dark hair, I let out a sigh of relief once I noticed the room was finally empty. Pushing myself out of my desk, I walked steadily over to the door, and exited the class room.

I would be wishing for the impossible if I was hoping that everyone had left school already. Of course there were clubs going on, sports being practiced, delinquents hanging around in the back ally smoking.

Or so I assumed, I've never really witnessed a get together of delinquents. What do they do? What do they talk about? And what a dumb assumption, to say that they hang out in the back of the school. If I were a delinquent, I certainly would not be risking getting caught by one of the many teachers who stay late.

Although, I suppose putting a label on a group of people by calling them 'delinquents' was pretty dumb too.

Shaking the odd thoughts from my head, I had finally pushed the large, glass door open, when I remembered something.

_Crap._ I thought. _I forgot my cell phone in my locker._

Making a groan of frustaration, I ignored the looks I got from some of the leftover students, as I hurridly trotted back down the hall.

Keeping my eyes ahead of me, I almost had a heart attack when I saw a familiar head of auburn hair jut out of the gym doors.

"I know!" the high pitched girl, shouted over her shoulder, as I stopped dead in my tracks. Maybe if I just stood as still as a statue, she wouldn't notice me.

She was wearing nothing but a white shirt,short black spandex, and knee pads. The basic Volleyball Team uniform. They must have a game today.

"I forgot, I have a whole pack of them in my locker, just let me go get some!"

Turning in my direction, Inoue Orihime let out a gasp of surprise when she saw me.

"Kuchiki-san!" she called, putting a hand to her chest. "You scared me!"

"Sorry" I muttered in reply.

Then, silence.

This was the second time today, that I have wished for a black hole to rip open the fabric of space, and swallow me whole. Oh, how lovely it would be, just to get away from this place. This situation.

I gulped.

I didn't know what to say to her! What was I suppose to say to my exes new girlfriend? _"Oh hey, how's my ex boyfriend doing? Oh no, don't feel bad. You didn't steal him, he just dumped me for you…no biggie." _

I almost let out a laugh right there, before reminding myself what kind of message that would send.

"I…" she began, fiddling with her fingers.

Right then, I looked at her, and I mean really looked at her.

Her long slender, milky colored legs. Her perfect, doll-like face. Her big, grey ,innocent eyes. And the most noticable of all, her long auburn hair.

It looked so pretty, so soft, feathered out around her.

She looked radiant. Inoue Orihime, was beautiful in every single way. Guys wanted her. Girls wanted to be her. And suddenly, I understood.

I could never measure up to Orihime. Never, in a million years.

Not me, Kuchiki Rukia. Not with my, short, unkept hair. Not with my midget-sized stature. And _certainly_ not with my almost non-existent boobs.

And what really pissed me off the most? The fact that she wasn't being a whole bitch about the whole situation. She seemed relatively sorry.

And that just seemed to make me feel worse.

"Kuchiki-san..look…"

I know what she's going to say. It really doesn't take a genius to figure out how her mind works.

She's going to tell me she's sorry. Really sorry.

_I never wanted you to get hurt,_ I can almost see her saying to me now. _If I could do it all over again then I—_

"I…never wanted to—"

"Inoue!" I almost shout.

Her big grey eyes meet mine, and I let out a sigh.

"It's okay, Inoue. I…" I look down at my feet. "I understand"

And before she can say anything, I take off running. Forgetting all about my cellphone in my locker, forgetting how stupid I look, running away from the scene like a coward.

I just couldn't stand there and keep a straight face any longer. A few more moments, and I might have actually began crying. And that is something that I will absolutely not allow.

**-x-**

"_You know, Rukia," he began, looking down at me. "I've never seen you cry before"_

_I scoffed. "Well is that such a bad thing? What, do you want to see me cry?" I grinned at him._

"_No!" He shouted almost a little too loud. I looked around at the people staring at us, with startled expressions on their faces, and grinned even more._

_He must've noticed too, because his voice all of a sudden got quieter. Beginning again, he said; "It's just that, every girl cries." He muttered, before I promptly smacked him on the back of the head._

"_Ow! What was that for?" His voice had once again gone back to the yelling range._

"_That's sexist! Every guy cries too, you know?" I told him._

"_Yeah, yeah…" he looked away._

_I grinned, once again, before looking down at my feet._

"_You know, Ichigo…I cry. I just don't like to do it in public"_

"_Why?" He asked._

_I looked up at him again, and noticed the concerned look on his face._

"_It's embarassing…" I said, feeling the heat in my cheeks._

_He rolled his eyes. "Of course you'd think about how people see you, even when your in pain" _

"_That's right" I said smugly. "You will never see me cry, Ichigo Kurosaki. So you don't have to worry about me being one of those girly, damsels in distress" I told him, proudly._

_He chuckled, before putting his arm around me. I instantly sunk into it, of course. Feeling safer and happier already._

"_You know…that's kind of a dissapointment" he said, smiling._

**-x-**

My eyes shoot open, and what meets me is darkness. Everything in my vision is black. I let out a groan of pain, as I feel something hard pressing into my side. I am reaching behind me, my hand sliding all around in search of this unknown object, when I see headlights bouncing off the ceiling.

_Shit._ I think to myself. _How long was I out for?_

If nii-sama is pulling in, then I mustve been out for quite some time, seeing as he always gets home at unimaganible hours for a week day.

I jolt up suddenly from the couch I was laying on, - maybe a bit _too _suddenly—and hold my head as a rush of diziness comes crashing in. The type of diziness anyone gets when they stand up, after just waking up from a long sleep.

The few things my eyes have adjusted to become blurry, and it is a struggle to even walk without toppling over. But somehow, I manage to make it all the way into my room, and close the door, by the time I hear him get in.

If Byakuya nii-sama had walked in and seen me passed out on the couch, still wearing my school uniform and dried up drool on the side of my chin, I can only imagine the dissaproving thoughts that would run through his mind.

And if there is anyone that I want to impress, it is definitely Byakuya nii-sama.

He has such high expectations of me, even if I am not a Kuchiki by blood. And I just hate to see dissapointment in his eyes, especially when it's directed towards me.

My eyes scan over the darkness, until I spot little red numbers glowing in the corner of my room.

The clock reads _1:35 am._

I plop down on my bed, as events of the day come pouring in.

After I had so cowardly ran out from Inoue, I had gone straight home. I had attempted to do my homework, but my mind just kept wondering off, it was nearly impossible to get anything done. I remember laying down on the couch with my ipod in hand, my intent being to only lay there for about half an hour, drowning in the music that would play in my ears.

I guess I had fallen asleep somehow though. I realized also, that the sharp pain in my back was most likely my ipod. Hopefully it wont be spotted.

I push myself up to a sitting position, and stare at the door ahead of me. A part of me wants to go out and say hi to him…but the other part, the more sensible part of me, is telling me what a stupid idea that would be.

Byakuya is not a fan of small talk. When your having a conversation with him, it has to be about something important, usually business. If the subject you plan to discuss with him is pointless, then don't even bother.

Although there is an aching in my chest, a hole that was never quite filled, a hole that longs for family dinners, and telling eachother about our day, I do my best to ignore it, once again falling back onto the bed, and letting sleep take over me.

* * *

**First thing I need to say is, that this story is NOT GrimmRuki! I know that little moment they had seemed like it would make this story GrimmRuki, but it's not. Grimmjow has an important roll in this though, seeing as he is going to be the first influence on Rukia.**

**But that's saved for later.**

**O: Anyways, it took me a while to write this, because I kept wanting to just throw interesting plot developments all around, but I kept reminding myself that developing any plot **_**too **_**early would just ruin everything. So I'm trying to keep it at a steady pace.**

**I tried to keep most of the characters, well, in character lol. I've seen some IchiRukiHime stories where Orihime is just this manipulative, whore that tries everything she can to steal Ichigo away from Rukia. I didn't want to make her like that, because I know that Orihimes personality is **_**nothing **_**like that, and I like fanfictions better when the characters **_**arent **_**OOC.**

**But yeah, this is my first fanfiction, so if you're reading this right now, PLEASE REVIEW! Constructive criticism is allowed, (although please don't be too harsh, I already know I'm not the best writer in the world xD). It would mean a lot to me if you reviewed, that way I know that I'm not just writing this for myself. C:**


	3. Bubbles

**This chapter is longer than my other two, a lot longer. o-o Just a warning~ **

**x-x-x-x**

* * *

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

I am staring at the white ceiling in front of me, hearing the clock out in the hall click, and cluck. Isn't that what chickens do? Who knew clocks and chickens were so alike? I didn't. No one does. Because they aren't really alike at all. I don't even know what subject is my mind has decided to play with this time, but I do my best to let it go on silently, softly humming it's nonsense in the back of my head. Like a little bird, chirping in my ear.

And then there's the obnoxious hyena, screeching like there is no tomorrow. That hyena, would be my alarm clock. It has been going off for the past 10 minutes now, but my bones and muscles, are somehow failing me. I can't get up. I'm too tired, too lazy, too comfortable. Too, not in the mood. Not in the mood for school, for life. I just want to fall back into the numbness of dreams. Dreams of my past life, of wide green fields and warm, amber eyes,of blue skies and thin summer dresses. Of happiness.

Not this grayness, this glumness. These boring white walls, boring white sheets, boring ordinary Friday morning. But, ah yes, it was _Friday _morning after all. As in, the last day of school for the week. As in, if you survive today, you will get a small but meaningful two day break. A full 48 hours of no questioning, yapping teachers, guilty redheads, and cute guys that make your blood pump underneath your skin. A full 48 hours of Rukia time.

But somehow, 48 hours didn't seem like nearly enough time. 48 hours would soon become 24 hours, and then before I knew it I would be staring at the same white wall I am now, dreading the hours to come. The weekend would fly by, just like it always does, and I wouldn't have enough time to recuperate. So, without thinking through fully, I reluctantly pushed myself up and out of bed. Stumbled over to the ongoing screeching of my lovely alarm clock, and brought my hand down on it hard. Yes, silence. Peace and quiet, that is what I wanted. What I needed, and I could very well have it, if I just walked out the room, down the hall, into the kitchen. The plain, boring, kitchen. That's right Rukia, lift your hand, touch the cold, outer shell of the phone. Punch in the familiar number you have grown to know by heart. _Ring. Ring. Ring._

"_Hello?" _spoke the deep, all too familiar voice.

"Nii-sama?"my voice was trembling, as was my hand. And I didn't know why. There is no way he would know that I am lying, I never miss school. It's not a normal thing. He will believe me. I know he will. So why am I so nervous?

"_Rukia? What's wrong?" _even when trying to show concern, his voice stays cold.

"Oh, nothing!"I begin, trying to sound lighthearted. "I was just calling…"pause…now cough. I hacked up the air that was inhabiting my lungs, cleared my perfectly healthy throat, and resumed my sentence. "Sorry about that. Anyways, I was just calling to let you know…" another pause. Make this believable, Rukia, "…that I don't think I am going to be able to make it to school today. I woke up with this horrible throat ache and I can't stop coughing. I _want_ to go, seeing as I hardly ever miss school, but…" I trail off, already knowing what the voice on the other end will say.

"_Very well…there is some cough medicine in the cabinet. Take some, and then sleep it off. I'll be working late tonight again, so I'll most likely see you in the morning." _And before I can thank him, the line goes dead.

I scoff, set the phone back down, "Oh no, _you_ have a good day, Nii-sama" I say sarcastically. I am standing in the middle of the kitchen, clad in my yellow pajama pants and black, all too baggy t-shirt, when the thought finally settles into my factory of a mind.

_72 hours of Rukia time. _

I let out a squeal of happiness, not caring that it's not my usual character. There's no one here, in this empty room, empty house. I can be myself, finally. I can open my heart and let my true self be free, flying and bouncing all around the walls. Cherish this moment, Rukia. Who would've thought I would be so happy to be alone. And that's what I am right now. I am alone, in this big open space, alone for who knows how long (I do). My legs are jumpy, I skip. I skip back down the hall, into my room. I am opening my closest door, searching for a comfortable sweatshirt. I pick a dark blue one, with nothing on it but a gray stripe across the chest. I throw it on, instantly sinking into the warm, fuzzy fabric. The sweatshirt is draped over me like a blanket, obviously too big for my small frame, but I don't care. I don't care how ridiculous I look, in these gigantic pieces of clothing. There is no one here but me, and I can do whatever I want.

Smirking, I hum a random tune, and walk back into the kitchen. As if on cue, my stomach makes a low grumbling noise, and before it can grumble again, I am already pulling open the refrigerator door.

"What to eat, what to eat…" I ponder, with curiosity dripping off the edge of my voice. I am lost in the moment, such little things like finding out what I want to eat. Because that's what you do when you skip school for the day. Every little thing is important. Every TV show you watch, and food you stuff into your mouth. Every book that you read and every song that you listen too, must be cherished, for you don't get that freedom of being lazy for a full 24 hours, that often, if at all (in Nii-sama's case).

Finally deciding on a pop-tart (s'mores flavored too, the day just keeps getting better), I walk over to the couch and plop down on it. With the pop-tart in one hand, I search the mossy green cushions for the ever disappearing remote with the other, my eye catches something sparkling in the dark crevices of the couch. Temporarily forgetting my quest to find the remote, I reach my hand into the darkness, and my hand immediately closes over a cold, rectangular object. I pull out…ah, my iPod nano. I forgot I had left it here last night, in my hurried attempt to make it into my room before Nii-sama came in and discovered me.

Suddenly, I am in the mood for music. Sad music, happy upbeat music, angry music that blasts in your ears, anything. I want to lie down and let poetic lyrics flow into my ears, and into my mind. I want to let the music engulf me, and swallow me whole. I want it to surround me, and take my 4'11" frame into its wide, open arms. So after scarfing down my pop-tart, I do just that. Laying my head down on the arm of the couch, I flick some of my black bangs away from my face, and plug myself into the music.

I guess I should've learned from last night, that when I lay down on this couch, and listen to this iPod, it knocks me out like a drug.

And that is exactly what happens…

**x.x.x.x**

I am dreaming about god knows what. There is a blur of colors and faces and there is me. I am mixed into those faces. But I feel like I am watching myself, watching myself from the outside. I am not in my body, someone else is. I am watching myself laugh and smile and dance, and there are colors everywhere, the music is pounding through my body and there is a hard knocking noise and I don't know where it's coming from, because a knocking noise doesn't belong in this scenario. But it's still there, and it's getting louder, and I hear a high pitched voice calling my name, and I feel myself slipping out from my dream, and I am going back into my body. I don't want to, but I have no control over it, and then before I know it I am laying awkwardly on the couch, and my eyelids feel heavy and I can't quite open them, but everything suddenly feels real, and I know I have woken up.

But there is still that knocking noise, and it is closer and more real than it was before, and I wonder If maybe I still am dreaming, but then the same high pitched voice squeaks my name, and suddenly my eyes are open and it is dark and there is something constricting me. It is wrapped around my leg and I struggle to pull it off, and I fall off the couch in the process. I am still half asleep as I stumble to the door, not even knowing what the hell is going on. I could be inviting a killer into my house right now, but I don't care, because if there is a killer on the other side of the door, then I can be forced back into my dream. Except maybe, it would be a permanent dream.

I struggle to open the door, mostly because I am having trouble trying to figure out which way to turn the knob, but I finally succeed. I throw the door open and standing there in front of me are too familiar girls, with familiar school uniforms. Boring school uniforms, grey skirts and white shirts, and a red bow at the collar, and I still haven't quite registered what is going on, and there are headphones wrapped around my leg, and my sweatshirt is slowly falling to the side, exposing my bony, white, shoulder, and my eyes are droopy, and my hair is messy and I must look disgusting. But I don't care, because I have just woken up and my mind is still coming out from the slumber it was in, so I invite the two girls in, but I don't remember who they are. I don't know what's going on. I don't know why the sky is now a dark orange and pink. I don't know why the room has become darker. And then I hear my name again, and I hear one of the girls trying to get my attention and telling me how out of it I look, and right at that moment my brain turns on, and I mean really turns on.

"Shit…" I mutter.

"Finally you snapped out of it, it looks like." A voice says. And I look up and my eyes are met with big, amber colored eyes. A girl with a cynical smile, and dark purple hair pulled up. Senna.

"Senna!" I manage to choke out, my voice sounding raspy.

"That's my name" she says, sarcastically.

I look over to the other girl, standing slightly more back, fidgeting and looking at the ground.

"And Hinamori!" I say. "What…" I blink. Twice. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Well…" Senna begins. "You weren't at school today, and you hardly ever miss school. And then there's that whole thing with that jerk Ichigo," she scoffs. "So we came to check up on you…" she pauses, looking at me.

I realize that there is more to the story than that, because Senna is such a mischievous girl, so I wait. I nod at her, to continue her sentence, and I wait for what I know will be something I don't want to hear.

Once she sees me nod, she goes on. "And seeing as you haven't hung yourself or anything…" I glare at her, "we decided to come over, and take you out!" she squeals, flashing me a big grin of white teeth.

My glare intensifies, and Hinamori looks extremely uncomfortable. She looks like she wants to run and never come back.

"Take me out…?" I repeat.

"You heard me! You try to act like it's not a big deal Rukia, but we both know that it is," she gestures to Hinamori, who looks away. "Sooo…in order to help you forget that asshat, we are going to help you have a night you will never forget!"

My eyes widen. A night I will never forget? What on earth is that suppose to mean? It obviously can't be anything good. When it comes to Senna, nothing ever is. Senna is popular. I don't know why she even hangs out with me and Hinamori. But she does. She's kind of like our connection to their world. The world of parties and drama and who broke up with who, and who hooked up with who. So by 'a night you will never forget', I know that it involves some uncomfortable scenario that I would rather not put myself in.

"What does that mean…?" I ask skeptically.

She sighs. "Look Rukia, all girls need a night out when it comes to ex boyfriends, to forget about them and meet a new guy," she looks at me, "Nel's parents are out of town this weekend, so she's having a party. Lots of people are going, even people from other schools. Of course I'm invited, so now I'm dragging you two along." She says, matter of factly.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! There is no way, I am going to some popular girls' party, where there will be a bunch of jocks and cheerleaders, to stare at me and wonder what I'm doing there!" I tell her.

"Relax Rukia, you may not believe this, but a lot of those "jocks" and "cheerleaders" think you're actually pretty cool. No one will be staring at you funny" she tells me, in a slightly irritated tone.

Before I can object, she throws something in my face. Instinctively, my arms reach up and it lands in my hands. I am looking down a paper bag, which seems to be full of something soft.

"What…?" I ask dumbly.

"Some clothes I brought from home for you to wear. They'll make you look pretty hot, trust me. Now go jump in the shower, you look like shit." I glare, once again.

"We'll be out here waiting, then once your done we can all get ready together!" She tells me cheerfully, clapping her hands together.

I don't want to. I really, _really _don't want to. Today was supposed to be my day off. Rukia time. What happened to that? I don't want to go to some party where I'll be standing in the corner awkwardly. I'll look so out of place. I'm not popular. I don't belong at parties like that. I belong here, at home, sitting on the couch with oversized clothes and stuffing food into my face. The people at the party will know I don't belong there. They'll know I'm out of place, that I'm an impostor. Why put myself in a situation like that? I open my mouth and begin to tell Senna that I absolutely refuse, when I remember Hinamori.

She's still there, standing behind Senna, looking uncomfortable. But she also looks…kind of sad. Like she knows I don't want to go, but she had to resort to this anyways. Resort to bringing Senna here. Then I realize, Hinamori isn't really popular either, not to mention kind of shy. Yet she is willing to go to some foreign party if it helps cheer me up.

I feel a pang of guilt. It cuts through my chest like a knife and stabs me. I feel _guilty_, and because of that, I mumble a 'fine', then drag my feet to the bathroom to begin showering, dreading the night to come.

**x.x.x.x.x**

I don't look like myself. I am _not_ myself. I am not Rukia Kuchiki, the girl who got dumped by Ichigo Kurosaki, for someone better. I am not the girl who is one of the shortest in the 10th grade. I am not the girl who lost most of her friends the minute she lost her boyfriend. I am not her. I am someone completely different. I am '_hot'._ At least, that's what's Senna says. She thinks that I look hot. I let her pick out the clothes I was to wear and do my make up and do my hair. I let her re-make me into a totally different person. I'm not quite sure why. I suppose maybe it's because I didn't have the energy to defy her. I didn't want to deal with disappointed eyes. I hate disappointed eyes. Eyes that say '_I should've known better'. _I got those same eyes the day Ichigo broke up with me. I got those eyes the day I came home with a big fat C on my history test, and Byakuya-nii sama saw. I don't want to be a disappointment. I want to be perfect.

"Perfect! You look absolutely perfect!" Senna tells me in her high pitched voice. It is dark out and we are walking to Nels' party, and I am absolutely freezing. I rub my arms to try and get rid of the goose bumps, but it doesn't help much. "Ichigo will wish he never broke up with you when he sees you tonight!"

My heart drops. I literally feel my chest tighten up. There are moths in my stomach. Not butterflies. Moths. Fluttering around and brushing against the muscle in my body and I want to turn around and run. I want to run all the way back to my house and slip on some oversized pajamas and watch a movie. I want to take the clip out from my hair that is holding my bangs up. I want to wipe this horrible make up off. I want to wipe this gross smelling perfume off. I don't want to be here.

"Senna!" I hiss. "You _never_ told me Ichigo was going to be here tonight!" She looks at me innocently. "Well…yeah. I mean, Nel totally has the hots for him, of course she invited him." She tells me.

The house is coming into sight. It is big and bright and lit up from the inside. I can hear the music booming and I can see people scattered around the front yard and I am not thinking. I am not thinking about how Ichigo may see me. I am not thinking about how ridiculous I look, in these dark skinny jeans with holes in them. In this low cut red shirt, in this push up bra that gives the illusion that I actually have boobs. I am not thinking about how, if he saw me, he'd know. He'd see right through me, he'd know that I'm trying too hard. He's smirk and shake his head and walk off with Inoue. My eyes will not water. I will them not to water, I will them not to sting. I am focusing on keeping my eyes dry, on making sure my dark eye makeup is not ruined. The makeup that Senna took 15 minutes applying. She said it really made a difference. I say it just makes me look like a raccoon.

"Rukia…?" Hinamoris' soft voice whispers to me, Senna can't hear. "Are you okay?" She asks, concerned.

I force a smile. "Yeah I'm fine, just a little nervous." I lie.

I'm not just a little nervous. A 'little nervous' is an understatement. I feel like puking, right here and now. I feel like jumping off a cliff if it will get me out of this mess. Because this _is_ a mess. It is a catastrophe!

We are walking up the steps now, and all these people are saying 'Hi' to Senna. She nods at them like it's the most normal thing in the world. I stay back slightly, following her like a lost puppy. I feel pathetic. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't belong here.

Me and Hinamori are standing a few feet back, not entirely sure of what to do, when I hear Hinamori gasp.

"Kira-kun!" She shouts directly into my ear. I cringe. She is smiling. Her face is flushed. She is happy. She tells me she will be right back, and runs over to Kira.

I know she won't be 'right back'. I know she'll forget about me, standing here, entirely out of place. Senna is still talking to some guy I don't know, and his eyes travel to me every now and then. Finally, he says: "Who's your friend?" and she turns around and looks at me like she forgot I was even here. "Rukia!" she says cheerfully. He looks me up and down and my skin crawls. I don't know what to say. Am I supposed to say something to him? I look up and my eyes meet his, and he grins at me. He grins like he knows I don't belong here.

"I'm going to the bathroom!" I blurt out. Senna looks surprised, then waves me off and continues her conversation. I maneuver my way through the sea of people that I don't know. The people that are so much taller than me. That I struggle to get by. I am lost. I am lost and I don't know where I am and I am being squished together by all these bodies and I can't breathe and I want to scream. I trip over my own feet and suddenly I am falling, face first. Time is moving slowly and I close my eyes and brace myself for the humiliation I know that will come. I will land flat on my face and everyone will laugh and I'll look up and Ichigo will be there staring at me with a look that says '_why did I ever date you?'._ I am preparing for the embarrassment in my head, taking notes on what to do and how to act, when I realize that I still haven't hit the ground. I have stopped falling however, and there is a pair of unfamiliar arms holding me. They are strong and hard and I suddenly feel like hugging whoever this stranger is who saved me. Because I think I am saved. Time is still moving and people are still talking and the music is still playing and the world is still spinning, and I never fell. Someone caught me. I open my eyes and look up at my savior. My savior with wild blue hair and bright blue eyes. Grimmjow.

"It's, it's you!" I say, trying to talk over the music. He's still holding me, and now staring at me like I'm crazy. I feel the blush in my cheeks, and I'm hoping that the foundation Senna caked on my face will cover my red face.

"What?" He shouts, so I try again. "I said, it's y—" I am in the middle of my sentence when I realize that I am not doing this right. I am at a party, looking 'hot', apparently on a quest to meet some guy and make Ichigo jealous. Ichigos voice rings in my head.

'…._You don't have to worry about me being one of those damsel in distresses.' 'You know…that's kind of a disappointment.' _

_Disappointment…_

But that's right. I'm not a 'damsel in distress'. Why should I be? I'm not another Orihime Inoue of the world. I'm Rukia Kuchiki. I'm the toughest 4'11" girl there is. Fuck damsels in distresses.

I feel like a whole new person, as my small hand grabs onto his forearm, helping myself up. I smile at him, telling him 'thank you', and as I begin to walk away, my hip brushes against his. I am still smiling as his big hand clasps over mine. As I turn around and stare at him once again, smirking. Can you see me now Ichigo? I don't need you. I'll make you wish you never dumped me, just like Senna said. Just you wait.

"Wait!" Grimmjow tells me. I stare at him, my face unreadable. Senna always says I have the best poker face. "You're names Kuchiki, right?" he asks me, grinning. I grin back, "Yep. Good job smart one." Where is this new found confidence? How did it enter my body so quickly? Just like the time yesterday, when I first talked to him. Who is this guy and why does he make me feel so, different then my usual self?

"Let me get you a drink" He says. A drink. Okay. I'll let him get me a drink. I guess this is how it starts. The flirtation begins with such an easy gesture as this. Getting me a drink, bodies brushing against each other, knowing smiles.

I am waiting by the stairs, staring at all the people dancing. There are multi-colored lights and the bass is so loud I can feel the vibration thru ought my whole body. I can feel it shake my heart, squeeze my hands, make my breath speed up, make the moths turn into butterflies. Pretty, black butterflies that want to get out, that want to move in the ocean of bodies that are pulsing so perfectly to the music. I am not scared anymore. I am enjoying myself. I am not out of place. I am not Rukia Kuchiki. I am not the girl who got dumped. I am someone completely different tonight. I am someone that a guy might want to get a drink for. I am someone that may want to dance. Someone that looks _'hot'. _I am feeling good.

I am thinking this as I see Grimmjow make his way through the crowd, his destination being me. I pretend not to notice him, pretend to look at my nails, suddenly fascinated by the bitten off ends. I am examining my oh-so-interesting nails when a cup is shoved in my face. I look up and he is smirking at me like he knows something that I don't. I ignore it however, and take the cup that he is offering. I stare at the glistening bronze liquid that is swishing around in the red, plastic cup, and raise it to my mouth. I take a long drink, and my eyes widen as I realize that this is not Coke I am drinking. This is not Coke at all. It is something strong and thick, something that burns as it slithers down my throat slowly, like a snake. There is a snake in my throat, and it won't go away. I squeeze my eyes shut so hard that I begin seeing colors, and I want to spit this back up. But that is not an option, so I try extra hard to get myself to swallow this odd liquid. I am attempting to swallow, when I suddenly hear cackling on my side. I look over, still attempting to push this disgusting snake down my throat, and lay my eyes on a laughing Grimmjow. No, laughing would be an understatement. He is bent over, slapping his knee, with a cup in his other hand, the contents swishing around so much they look like they are about to spill out. He is 'heaving' and 'ho-ing' , and his face is red and there is a big, fat stupid grin on his face and I suddenly feel like splashing my drink on him and walking off. I want it to burn his eyes so much that he begins bleeding, I want everyone to look and laugh at _him _the way he is laughing at me right now.

I am still giving him the death glare when he finally begins to show signs of life again. "I…I knew it!" He chokes out between laughter. "I knew you didn't drink! You show up to this party, all this make up on looking like you're ready to have the night of your life and I just _knew_ that it wasn't the same girl I met the other day who was sitting outside of her classroom in time out." He finally manages to say, still chucking every now and then.

This for some reason annoys me. I mean, of course, I don't drink. But how should he know that? Do I really look like such a goody two shoes? I thought I was a different person tonight. Was he able to see through my so easily? I can look like a party girl, can't I? I mean look at this make up I have on. Look at this low cut shirt! He doesn't know anything about me! I refuse, I refuse for him think that he knows me. I am not Rukia tonight. I will change. Just for tonight. No other night will I be like this, tonight is an exception.

Thinking this, I look back down at my cup, and promptly chug the most I can of the remainder of the liquid, without throwing up. It is disgusting and I want to puke, I want to puke all over him, but I can't. I have to show him that I can 'party'. I have to show him a different side of me. I can't be me. I can't disappoint. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, and look up at him once again.

"Hey!" I say, lightly punching him in the arm. "You don't know me, because if you did you'd know I drink _all_ the time." He raises an eyebrow at me, clearly not convinced. No, this won't do. He _has_ to believe me. I can't be a disappointment. Not tonight. I reach my hand over to the cup he is holding, and as if to prove my point, I chug that too. I cringe once again but I slightly know what to expect now and I keep a straight face the whole time. Once I am done with that cup, I look around until I spot a trash can.

_Confidence, _I think. _Confidence. _So I 'confidently' shove both of the plastic cups into his big hands, and tell him to throw them away, all the while flashing him the most flirtatious smile I can muster. He looks slightly more convinced this time as he disappears into the crowd of dancing bodies. I use this chance to escape. I am feeling light and lazy, like I am floating. I have the dumbest look on my face and I bump into some girl on my way over to the living room. "Bitch" she says, but I don't care. I don't say sorry, I keep walking, keep floating. I like this feeling. I feel spacey, numb, but a good kind of numb. A numbness like nothing else matters, as long as I keep floating, higher and higher up into the heavens, like a bubble, everything will be ok. I am a bubble, a rainbow colored, sparkling bubble. I am radiant. I am glistening. Nothing can pop me. I am the most radiant bubble here; I am floating higher than everyone else. I am high off the ground looking down at all the other bubbles. Greasy, saggy bubbles. I am not greasy or saggy or small. I am big. I am noticeable. I am shining. I am high above everyone else and I am shining and I am smiling.

I am sitting down on the couch, pondering the fact if I am buzzed or not, when I hear my name. I am so lost in my thoughts though, that I promptly brush it off as my imagination. Putting my hand to my chin, my eyes widen as I consider the fact that maybe that Grimmjow guy put a drug in my drink. Like a roofie! He seems like the type of guy that would do such a thing. I mean, I don't normally feel this way. This laziness and spaciness. And _he's _the one who got the drink for me. I once read a book where this girl's boyfriend got her a beer and a party and it turned out there was a roofie in it. Her own boyfriend tried to rape her!

"Rukia!" I hear someone call again. I look around, but I don't see anyone in particular who is calling my name. Is It the roofie? I'm hallucinating now! Oh gosh I don't want to get raped! No! My first time is suppose to be special! I suddenly feel big hands on my shoulders, gripping at the fabric of my shirt. I shake my head. "No!" I shout, lashing my hair back and forth.

"Oh my gosh Rukia get a grip on yourself!" it is the voice of my best friend, my best friend that I have known since I was a little girl. The one who has seen me in almost every mood I have been in. The one who knows everything about me.

It is Renji. I open my eyes again, and he is right in front of my face, studying me, trying to see if I am on drugs. Which, I probably am. "Renji!" I shout, not even trying to hide the joy in my voice. "You're not going to rape me!" People from around us stop and stare once I say this sentence, and Renji grunts, obviously embarrassed by my sudden outburst. He gets me up and walks me over to a corner of the room, and I am tripping. I am tripping over my own feet and it is hard to stay upwards and my bubble is becoming saggy. I don't want my bubble to be saggy; it is suppose to be pretty and radiant, like it was before. I will it to be pretty, I focus all my energy on it. I am focusing so hard that I barely notice when I am pushed up against a wall. I barely notice my shoulder blades beat in pain. I barely notice Renjis concerned face. I barely notice any of this, for I am trying to become pretty again.

"Are you drunk Rukia?" He asks. I look at him, my eyes wide. I open my mouth, unsure of what to say.

"Renji!" I try testing his name out again. "I…think someone put a roofie in my drink!" I tell him in the most serious voice I can muster. I grip his arm desperately. "Renji I don't want to be raped!"

Renji's eyes grow huge, bigger than I've ever seen them before. And then, he laughs. He _laughs! _He is holding onto my shoulders and he is shaking so much it looks like he is having a seizure. But he isn't. He is laughing at me. He is laughing at the fact that someone is out to rape me.

I hit him as hard as my tiny fist can. "This isn't funny! Renji! You have to protect me from being raped!" This just gets him going even more. I don't understand what's so funny. Does he not understand how crucial this is? This is the second time tonight that a guy has laughed at me, although Renji doesn't really count as a guy…

But still! What am I doing wrong? I must be doing something wrong. I think back on all the events that have happened so far. Aside from almost falling flat on my face, I don't recall doing anything bad. But, oh gosh how would I know? "Renji!" I try to shake him out of his laughter. He _finally_ stops, and after composing himself, he looks at me. "Rukia, tell me what happened." He says, while trying to hide another fit of laughter I know wants to push its way out of him. And I tell him. Well, I don't tell him the part about falling. But I tell him everything else. He stands there, nodding his head, listening in his own Renji way.

"—and the way he just said it, like I'm some goody two shoes that has never even tried alcohol befor—"

"Well…you kind of are." Renji interrupts. "Shut up! Anyways, I couldn't help myself. I chugged my cup and I chugged his and I swear there was some kind of drug in it Renji. I felt so _weird_ afterwards."

"Yeah, it's called being drunk. Although it looks like you've sobered up a bit after talking about it." He tells me. I open my mouth ready to say something, when I realize that he's right. I am no longer feeling lazy and numb. I am no longer floating. I am back on the ground. My bubble has not popped, but it has dissolved, it has dissolved into thin air, and I am disappointed.

Something catches my eye, I have to stand on the tips of my toes to see it, but it is orange, a big orange flash. It's bright, like a pumpkin. Suddenly it multiplies. The orange is growing. I am trying to see over Renji's shoulder but he's too damn tall.

"What?" He says, turning around. "What are you looking at?" He faces his full body in the direction I am attempting to look to, and then I see. My vision is perfectly clear now. Everything is perfectly clear now.

"_Ichigo will wish he never broke up with you when he sees you tonight!" _

_Can you see me now Ichigo? I don't need you. I'll make you wish you never dumped me, just like Senna said. Just you wait._

'_You know…that's kind of a disappointment.'_

_Disappointment. _

_He looked at me, apologetically, sadly. He looked sorry. Not sorry __**to**__ me…sorry __**about **__me. "You're just not the girl I fell in love with anymore. You're different."_

I no longer have pretty black butterflies in my stomach. They have turned into moths again. No, they are worse than moths. They are spiders. They are crawling in my chest. I feel them, their long, creepy legs brushing against my organs. I squirm, cringe, close my eyes. I want them to go away. _Go away!_ I tell them. _Go away!_ I am shutting my eyes so tight that it stings, so tight that I feel water. There is water coming out of my eyes. My eyes are leaking water. I am drowing in my own ocean. I am clenching my fists so hard that I feel something prick my skin. I feel my skin split open. My hands feel warm. Is it the water? Has it gotten to my hands? I don't want to look. I want to stay here and drown. I want to drown in my ocean, I want to get tangled in seaweed and I want to choke and loose air and die. _I want to die._

"Rukia your hand is bleeding!" Renji's voice. It seems far away, distant. I am underwater and Renji is just a memory. Ichigo and Inoue holding hands in the dining room is just a memory. Senna telling me how hot I look is just a memory. Grimmjow catching me from humiliation is just a memory. Everything is all just a memory. I am floating again. I am numb, no…but I can be. I feel a bubble brush against my cheek. I can be a bubble again. I will be a bubble again. I will not stand here and cry. I will float high and I will be radiant again and I will show Ichigo that I don't care. I will be a prettier bubble than Inoue. I will sparkle and shine and Ichigo will sit there and he will be a dark black ink bubble that wants to stain me. But I won't let him. I won't. I will float so high that he won't even be able to touch me. He will try to get me, try to stain my pureness, but he will give up eventually. He will get worn out and he will settle back down with Inoue.

I open my eyes again. Renji is blocking my vision. He is staring at me like I just died. "Rukia are you ok?" I can't speak. My voice is not working. It has disappeared. It will work once I am floating again. But for now, there is no air, because my bubble has dissolved. It needs to come alive again. The best I can do to answer his question is nod weakily. "Rukia…" Renjis voice trails off, and then he looks over at Ichigo and Inoues direction again. "I really hate that guy! Look what he's putting you through!" Renji spits angrily, and I love him. I love him so much. He is always so concerned for me, always thinking of my safety. I am so thankful he is my best friend. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't here right now. If I was standing in the corner alone, I would most likely run off to the bathroom crying. But I don't do that. I won't let Ichigo stain me.

I look up at Renji, trying to send him a message with my eyes on how much I appreciate him. "Thankyou…" I whisper, and then walk off. I hear him calling after me but I ignore him. Renji can't be there when my bubble appears again. I easily slip through crowd of people. I easily make my way to the kitchen. I easily open the fridge, grab some random bottle of golden liquid. I easily grab a plastic cup from the stack that is sitting in the corner. I am not thinking, as I poor the golden liquid into the cup. I am not thinking about how inviting and how glistening and pretty it looks. I am not thinking that I will be that glistening and pretty soon. I am just staring at the liquid. I wait until my cup is relatively full, before putting the bottle back in the fridge. I stare at my reflection in the liquid, all blurry and out of focus. I don't look like myself. My eyes are too dark. But that's right, I am not myself tonight. That's what I promised myself. I will be someone different. I am thinking this as I bring the cup to my lips, as the liquid slips down my throat. This time I don't cringe, I don't make any weird faces. I am staring blankly ahead of me. I am staring at Ichigo. He is talking and laughing with a group of friends. Inoue is no longer with him. _I don't care_, I tell myself. I don't care that he is now looking straight at me. I don't care that I am staring back, with dead eyes. I don't care about his surprised look as I take another slurp of my drink. I don't care that he is walking over to me. I don't care that I am walking away. _I won't let him stain me._ I walk away as fast as I can. I drink more alcohol. I am starting to feel light again. I am starting to feel good again. "Rukia!" It is Ichigos voice. No. No, no, no. I won't let him. I chug the rest of my drink. I throw it in a nearby trash can. There is a hand on my shoulder now. It is spinning me around. I am looking at amber eyes. I am looking at Ichigo for the first time since we broke up.

"Since when do you drink?" is what he asks me. No 'how are you's?' or 'nice to see you again' or even 'im sorry's'. The first thing he asks is about what I am drinking. I am angry. I am pissed. Typical Ichigo. I slap his hand off of me. I stare at him straight back into his eyes. His ugly, amber eyes, those eyes that ruined me. I feel like a live wire. I am alive and I feel a spark and I want to electrocute him. I want to hurt him. "Get the fuck off of me" I hiss. He looks surprised. He looks devastated. I smirk, then walk away. It is just my luck that Grimmjow happens to be right in my line of vision. He is watching the whole thing, and he is smirking. I am smirking too. I am walking over to him, feeling confident and happy again. Fuck Ichigo. Fuck relationships. I walk over to Grimmjow, and I grab his hand with my new found confidence. "Let's dance!" I say, smiling. He nods, and we make our way through the pulsing bodies.

And the look on Ichigo's face is priceless…

* * *

**Bahhh~ x3 This chapter was super long. o_o or atleast, to me it was. xD Idk. I probably should of cut it in half, but I atleast had to cram some of the party in here. I am debating on whether or not I should add more of what happens at the party next chapter, or just skip to the morning. Because there is still a lot that happens after Rukia pwns Ichigo. But I just didn't want to make this chapter into a novel itself o-o so idk. **

**Rukias beginning to crossover to the bad side~ 8D I had fun writing that part. 3 And no, like I said before this will not be fluff GrimmRuki. It will be more of a 'friends with benefits' GrimmRuki. But trust me, he's not going to be the only guy Rukia is 'with'. She'll make her way through a few. o.o but in time, in time~ Oh and by the way, there will be Anti- IchiRuki scenes like there was in this chapter from time to time. I mean, they **_**are**_** exes soooo, it's gonna happen. But I just want you guys to know that I absolutely **_**adore**_** IchiRuki with all my heart and hate IchiHime sooo…don't get the wrong idea xD**

**So yeah, idk what else to say. Review, review! 8D it gives me motivation. Thankyou for reading ;D**


End file.
